Many marriages break up over the pain of infidelity. Love and trust that was promised is taken away. The result of infidelity is both pain as well as hurt.

Why is infidelity such a painful experience? Let us follow the lives of Joe and Sue to find some keys to the pain.

They knew each other before ever starting school together. Their mothers were best friends. Joe was a year older and they began dating when Sue was a high school junior. College was not a difficult choice for Sue, she followed Joe and during her sophomore year, he proposed. They are parents of three children.

As most couples, this one had problems with money. When the children started school Joe told Sue he could work late and increase their income. This actually did not seem to solve their problems. Joe was almost never home. Sue said something that irritated Joe and he moved out.

A week later, he called Sue to try to make amends. During their conversation, he tells Sue that he has been unfaithful. Both partners are willing to try counseling to see if things can be made better.

Sue was heartbroken and unsure that she would ever be able to forgive Joe. The person she had known for most of her life was not the man she thought he had been. She had trusted with her deepest secrets had betrayed her and she was deeply hurt.

We all love stories to end happily, however this one may end that way. These deep hurts do not go away overnight. Divorce often follows such mistrust.

Even if things work out, the mistrust will work their way to the surface again and again. One missed appointment can rapidly bring up old feelings. Joe also has changed. He may no longer be as willing to stick through the tough times that happen in any marriage.

The once strong system of support offered by friends and extended family may also be shattered. Visits may not come as often as they once did. Sue not only feels she cannot confide in Joe, but feels abandoned by friends also.

If the experience ends in divorce, the children find themselves pulled between each parent. Sometimes one or the other parent moves to a distant location and children only have opportunity to vision during summers or school breaks. Although parents are warned not to divorce their kids, kids feel abandonment. The pain of infidelity continues to grow.

The pain continues. Even if Sue finds someone else with whom to spend the rest of her life, Joe’s infidelity can continue to haunt the new relationship. She may fear sharing feelings since her trust was broken earlier.

Joe’s money troubles have only just begun. Divorce and living the divorced lifestyle is an expensive process, both financially and emotionally. He now pays child support and has to pay his own rent or home payment as well as other bills. Joe also feels the pain of his failure. Infidelity has also brought pain to the instigator.

While marital infidelity may be tempting, remember that there is a high pain price to pay for cheating and surviving infidelities may not be possible.